The Inner Critic (Part 1)
I wonder if you’ve noticed an inner voice that questions, judges, or doubts you. It may say things like, “You should be doing better,” or “you’re not good enough.” This voice is often called the inner critic.
It can show up as self-doubt, insecurity or anxiety and it influences how we feel about ourselves, how we respond to challenges, and how much freedom or confidence we experience in life.
Where Does the Inner Critic Come From?
The inner critic is often formed through early life experiences — shaped by the voices, expectations or emotional environments around us. The ways others spoke to us, or the standards we felt we had to meet, can become internalised over time. Eventually, those once external messages take root inside us, becoming part of our inner beliefs and how we relate to ourselves and others.
Sometimes, we also pick up messages about how we should be in the world — often called rules for living or life scripts. These can sound like:
“Don’t cry,” “Don’t feel,” “Be strong,” “Be perfect,” “Work hard,” “Hurry up,” “Don’t be close,” “Be silent,” “Don’t be a child”, “Don’t be you.”
We may have followed these messages to help us fit in, be accepted or stay safe. But as we grow, they can quietly turn into the voice of the inner critic — the part of us that keeps enforcing these old rules, even when they no longer serve us.
Often, the inner critic develops to protect us. We may have learned that being careful, perfect or pleasing helped us avoid rejection or criticism and gain others’ approval. In this way, the critic is protective and well-intentioned — it is trying to protect a more vulnerable part of us from hurt.
Beginning to Work with the Critic
The first step in softening the inner critic is awareness. Notice when it shows up and how it speaks. You might pause and ask yourself:
When did I first start hearing this kind of voice?
Whose tone does it remind me of?
What might this part of me be trying to protect me from?
By approaching the critic with curiosity rather than resistance, we can begin to see what lies beneath it — often a wish for safety, belonging or acceptance.
Stay tuned for part 2, where we will explore how to soften our inner critic.
