Our Relationship With Ourselves
There are many different types of relationships we experience in our lives—with partners, friends, and family. But the one we often overlook is our relationship with ourselves. Yet this is the relationship that is always with us, shaping our inner world—our thoughts, feelings and behaviours.
For some people, this inner relationship feels nurturing and steady. For many others, it can feel strained, harsh, or neglected. We may find ourselves being a little too hard on ourselves or overlooking our own feelings and needs. Perhaps we hold negative beliefs or perceptions about ourselves.
The Foundation for Everything Else
How we relate to ourselves influences every part of our lives. It can affect how we see ourselves in relation to others. We may feel confident and self-accepting in some situations, or at other times insecure, inferior or doubtful. This can impact the connection we build with others, as when we struggle to accept ourselves, it can harder to believe others will accept us too.
Our relationship with ourselves can also affect how we approach our work, goals and challenges. Our general emotional state in these situations is impacted.
Signs of a Strained Inner Relationship
You might notice a background feeling of anxiety or insecurity, or perhaps a sense of sadness or heaviness. You may feel tired or burnt out from lack of rest. Sometimes there is a critical inner voice—this may be loud and harsh, or quiet and persistent. You might feel pressure to live up to standards set by others, rather than your own. This might be subtle, but if you draw your awareness inwardly, you get a sense that this is there.
Often, we treat ourselves differently from how we would treat someone we care about. We might find it hard to offer ourselves the same kindness or patience. At times, we may stop listening to how we truly feel and overlook what we really need in a given moment.
Beginning to Nurture Ourselves
The good news is that our relationship with ourselves is not fixed. Like any relationship, it can grow, soften, and become more supportive with attention and care. Small steps can make a real difference, such as:
Noticing your self-talk: Is it encouraging or critical?
Taking a deep breath…
Offering small kindnesses: A gentle word, a pause to rest, or recognising your efforts.
Checking in with yourself: What do you need right now? What would help you feel a little better?
Allowing imperfection: Remembering that being human means being imperfect—and that’s okay.
If you were to imagine yourself as a close friend, what would that relationship feel like? Supportive? Compassionate? Encouraging? Befriending yourself and treating yourself as someone you care for is a big step toward creating a more caring and gentle inner relationship.
Closing Thoughts
Nurturing a kinder, more balanced relationship with yourself doesn’t happen overnight. It can take practice and intention, and at first it might feel uncomfortable or unfamiliar. But each small step matters. Over time, you may begin to feel steadier and more secure within yourself. The anxiety, insecurity and heaviness begin to ease, replaced by a greater sense of peace in yourself and in the world around you.
There may still be barriers to building this kinder inner relationship. My hope is that this blog can help explore some of the challenges and offer tools to support you along the way.
If you’re unsure how to start, or it feels like there are too many obstacles in the way, therapy can provide a safe and supportive space to meet you where you are and walk alongside you as you begin. If you’d like to reach out, please do—I’d be happy to hear from you.
